intimacy, velocity, self-determination

Much of the PLAY Polarities™️ was developed from our history using improvisation as a teaching and teambuilding tool. It is from that world of improv that we get the term and the ethos of “Yes And.”

Hopefully, we’ve all felt like we were a part of a “good team.” We were surrounded by capable, focused people. Together, we worked hard toward a worthy cause: just, fulfilling, and challenging.

These teams often have leaders, but those leaders often act more like coaches. They spur us on, but ultimately, they let the group make the big decisions. They don’t police us so much as we police ourselves with their guidance.

Maybe you call yours a team, a group, a congregation, a community, or even a family. We bring together our Full Selves to work in tandem toward some great end.

We love this image because it conveys how a Yes And experience can make us feel:

• Intimacy: The men are holding hands and walking together with roughly the same stride. They’re together. 

• Velocity: Their very activity requires a shared speed and direction

• Self-determination: They’re not walking along the expected path; they’re cutting across it

Furthermore, this image not only looks consensual, but consent is ongoing and enthusiastic.  As is essential to all We-Centeredness, one is not leading the other or dragging the other behind them. It doesn’t look like one is just going along because the other wants to. It does not feel like either of them are walking out of obligation, but out of a shared desire. This is Yes Anding. 

It’s not Yes And if someone doesn’t want to do it. The phrase “begrudgingly Yes Anded” is almost nonsensical. Maybe your group is not doing the most significant, joyous project ever. You still must share this “generosity of spirit.” (1) A word our Teambuilding Team uses is buoyancy. There has to be a shared sense of buoyancy where we continue to lift each other’s heads above the waves. That’s what makes Yes And work.

As this is the “We… Push Out” quadrant, we must recognize that our role in the “we…” may not be central. Like with Quadrant A, we may not have a “starring role.” We certainly shouldn’t have a “commanding role.” Because commanding someone, asserting power and control, pulls us right out of We-Centeredness. Demanding someone Yes And you is an impossible contradiction.

 So when you walk together in Yes And, walk beside each other, each performing your own chosen role with abandon. Find the intimacy, velocity, and self-determination together. And make sure consent is ongoing and enthusiastic.

soaring together

This quote, oft attributed to Marian Anderson, inspires me to Yes And:

“No matter how big a nation is, it is no stronger than its weakest people, and as long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold him down, so it means you cannot soar as you might otherwise.”

Marian Anderson was renowned as a singer during her time, but was also a force for racial justice in this country. For context, here is an excerpt from a post by Nicholas Brown of the Library of Congress:

On April 9, 1939, American contralto Marian Anderson (1897-1993) stood as a beacon of hope for a country being torn apart by racial strife. Anderson’s legendary performance at the Lincoln Memorial on that Easter Sunday exists in the annals of American history as a pivotal moment in the Civil Rights movement. After being denied the right to perform at the Daughters of the American Revolution’s (D.A.R.) Constitution Hall in Washington, DC due to her skin color, Anderson received an advocate in First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt. The First Lady publicly submitted her resignation from the D.A.R. in protest of the treatment Anderson received and helped facilitate the performance at the Lincoln Memorial. (2)

In the PLAY Polarities™️, we try to give people the opportunity to apply their own moral compass. The model is a framework for one’s Betterment Journey, and moral development is a kind of betterment. Therefore, we expect that one’s moral compass will improve through using the model just as one’s empathy and honesty might improve. That is why we say, “the model finds you where you’re at and travels with you.” 

However, if the model were to put its thumb on the scale of moral development, we hope it will inspire people toward greater co-humanity. We see that co-humanity as an embrace of all other people of goodwill regardless of gender identity, race, creed, sexual orientation, disability, age, or any other dividing distinction. 

Of all the quadrants, Yes And is the most demanding of shared moral clarity. If we were to map Covey’s “mind, body, heart, and spirit” over the four quadrants, Yes And would undoubtedly be the spiritual one. Yes And is where you must take the most on just faith.

Yes And is an invitation to believe. To believe in justice and that justice is possible. To believe that others are your equals. They deserve your Full Self and you theirs. And to believe that, as Marian Anderson’s quote suggests, when you hold others down, you hold yourself down.

Yes And is how we soar together.

To say “no” to specific groups of people is to ensure that, while some may profit, none will soar. There is no corner of the PLAY Polarities where it is permissible to abandon your truth and your values. But it may be no more vital, than in Yes And, or we also “cannot soar as [we] might otherwise.”

yes and as daily practice

Quadrant Y’s mantra of Yes And reminds us to harmonize our Full Selves with others so we may make beautiful music as one united chorus. Yes And says, “get on the bus.” Yes And says, “find a good fight and get in it.”

Yes And is a great mantra.

When you feel yourself starting to quibble with your partners in important work, remind yourselves to “Yes And.” When you start losing the momentum of coalition, remind yourselves to “Yes And.” When stymied by unimportant differences, just “Yes And.” When you find your group turned inward, getting lost in—as Stephen Covey says—“the thick of thin things,” remind yourselves to “Yes And.” (3)

You must, of course, be careful here. Make sure you really had Quadrant Y in the first place. The differences between Yes And and groupthink are vital. There must be room for healthy descent, not to mention consent. Yes And should never feel like the mindless mob reacting out of shared fear, anger, and vengeance. Yes And must continue to be moderated by our best selves. Our highest selves. Our Full Selves.

Habitually Yes Anding creates momentum, growth, and transformation. 

how yes and fits into the play polarities™️

Let’s talk about Yes And as the We… Push Out quadrant. This is still a We-Centered practice, where we give over to the moment.

We’re not tentative about it.

We’re all in.

We don’t stop at each moment to ask, “what’s in it for me?”

At the same time, giving over doesn’t mean losing yourself. You are always 100% responsible to hold the moment, the group, and yourself accountable. The excuse, “I was just following orders,” is not a Yes And answer.

Also, we’re Pushing Outward with Yes And.

Accept, Adapt, Affect required us to reconcile with one another, to face one another honestly and nakedly. The focus was inward. Yes And represents a turning outward. All those individuals who were confronting each other, now stand shoulder to shoulder to confront a shared problem or goal.

In the case of the PLAY Polarities, we might hope to be in Yes And for as long as possible. There will come a moment, though, when it’s time to move on from this group and/or this shared direction. Things change. People change. Other priorities will demand your attention.

That is why the Arrowglass, our path through the quadrants, has one more pathway. You’ll see a dotted line leading back up from Yes And to Pay Attention. This reminds you that you can move on, even if others don’t, and have that be okay. Pay Attention is the natural destination because, after Yes And, we have a lot to process. When we leave Quadrant Y, we should always reflect, assess, and consider what we need to work on next in ourselves. We answer the questions: How did I show up during Yes And? How do I want to show up next time?

Yes And is a grand adventure. Afterward, you go back to your shire, write your memoirs, and level up for the next campaign!

Notes

1. Quote attributed to Hedgerow Theatre’s Rose Schulman as heard by her students. Matt Elwell was a performer at Hedgerow Theatre in 1995-1996, where he heard this term relayed by those taught by Schulman.

2. Brown, N. A. (2013, April 09). Marian Anderson: Realizing history through song. Retrieved September 14, 2020, from https://blogs.loc.gov/music/2013/04/marian-anderson-realizing-history-through-song/

3. One of the first books on self-improvement many of us read was Stephen Covey’s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. This is just one of the many tidbits Covey used to talk about in his books and audio-tape (yes, “audio-tape”) series. Reference:
   Covey, S. R. (1989). The 7 habits of highly effective people. New York, NY: Fireside.