Authenticity: Getting Practical and Tactical with “3G”
We know authenticity means being honest with ourselves. That means turning the volume up on your true, Full Self and turning it down on your ego, fears, desire to please, etc. Authenticity is one of those things; we think we’ll know it when we see it. But it’s harder to be authentic than you think, especially for the kind of smart, savvy people who are likely to, well, be on Linked In a lot. We’re intelligent; we’re entrepreneurial; we’re persuasive. Those very qualities can persuade us that “everything is just fine” on our drive to success while our authenticity is left shrinking behind us in the rearview mirror.
How do high performers remind themselves to slow down and interrogate the things they think, say, and do to make sure they’re staying on track? In the PLAY Polarities, and this post, I recommend two solutions:
Watch who you are when you’re “improvising”
Pay attention to the 3Gs: Gods, Guts, and Guides
Measure Authenticity By Reactions More Than By Actions.
I often do communication skills training. That's how I first learned to apply improvisation to Adult Learning. I teach people how to use effective eye contact, body language, and tone of voice, and other techniques to better express their Full Selves.
The problem is that anyone can take my class. People can take it to be a better listener and a better person. But some people may take it to be a better liar. We've all met that master manipulator so scripted and slick that we find ourselves believing things that deep down we know we shouldn't. But then that person encounters the unexpected question or the surprising objection, and we finally see the master manipulator for who they are. Their actions never betrayed their lack of authenticity; their reactions did.
To the person who craves authenticity, our reactions can be our teachers. Have you ever been in an uncomfortable situation and just started babbling? Your mind goes on autopilot and you almost hear yourself making it worse. In retrospect, you may have been tempted to beat yourself up for not handling it better. You wish you had been more focused, calm, and collected.
Instead, what an incredible opportunity to listen to what your other selves are saying! At other points in this conversation, we've addressed Jungian Psychologists Hal and Sidra Stone and their work on primary and disowned selves (1989). Those unexpected and unwelcome reactions of yours can be your teachers. They smudge that carefully manicured image you present to the world. But what do they reveal in its place? Perhaps, they reveal unfinished business you should revisit, courtesy of your inner selves.
So pay attention to your actions, but pay extra attention to your reactions. This is extremely important in terms of the Arrowglass. Because, when we're not Paying Attention to what’s underneath our reactions, they can become our master manipulators. Our discomfort can entice us to take a path away from what we could learn about ourselves!
If we're not being authentic, that very power that helps us navigate across the entire map of the polarities could become our blinders. We may think we're getting the most benefit of the entire map. Unfortunately, our reactions might instead steer us away from the help and change we need most.
Develop “Authenticity-Check” Habits
This seems especially important for business professionals who are valued for their minds, the knowledge workers we hear so much about. Many are very good at intellectualizing and rationalizing around what is so. This kind of person will spend an hour speaking up before they'll spend a minute fessing up. And I’m one of them.
Several years ago I got a very undeserved bachelor's degree in philosophy. Why was it undeserved? Because I didn't study that hard. I was too busy doing theater. Why did I get the degree anyway? Because if you need anybody to make up something that sounds informed for at least 1500 words, I’m your guy.
If that sounds familiar, I want to introduce you to 3G Authenticity: Gods, Guts, and Guides. These are the three tentpoles I use to keep myself honest and authentic:
Gods: What do I recognize as greater than myself, and what would that thing (God, some universal ideal, basic respect for others) think of my behavior right now? In the PLAY Polarities, we call this higher power or idea your “Orienting Experience.”
Guts: What is your body telling you about your choices? What are you seeing in the mirror? Our roots in improvisation inform how we look at physicality as a reflection of character.
Guides: What are you hearing from people you respect? Jim Rohn says we’re the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with. Up your average by engaging with people who will tell you when you’re off track.
Gods: Authenticity From Your “Orienting Experience”
Maybe you're comfortable with the notion of a higher power, and you're in a spiritual relationship that you find healthy and meaningful. This G is about involving that God-Concept in the conversation. For our purposes, we’ll call that thing, whatever that thing is, our Orienting Experience. Don’t worry. You don't have to have the same concept of God that I do for this to work. You just need to recognize a presence or identity or something in your life that you would feel really bad about bullshitting.
Whether it's the god-concept you grew up with as a kid, some new-age concept of a higher self, or even the memory you have of a loved one who has passed on. You don’t even have to believe in one god, multiple gods, shared divinity, life after death, the Law of Attraction, or anything else someone has told you to believe. You just need to identify that which takes on an orienting role in your life. What helps you feel like this isn’t all chaos? What makes you feel a part of something larger than yourself? And maybe it’s not remotely theistic. Maybe for you, it’s crisp, clear Scientific Realism. Cool. For the first G in 3G Authenticity, consider that your Orienting Experience. Authenticity then means showing up in a way that doesn't make you feel less connected to your Orienting Experience.
Guts: Authenticity From Your Body
The notion of feeling something “in your gut” has held significant meaning for generations, long before we knew anything scientific about our actual guts. Now, we have scientists explaining the essentiality of the “gut-brain” to how each of us shows up in the world. From health to mood to cognition, betray your guts at your peril.
If you're being authentic you should feel it in your gut. You may be nervous, you may be uncomfortable, but these are hopefully fears about what you have to lose by acting on your authentically held beliefs. Your gut might not feel great when you're being authentic but it should still feel like your gut.
There's a fraying that happens when part of us believes ourselves while another part knows we're bullshitting. I don't know about you, but I feel that disconnect in my gut. It feels like I'm not fully inhabiting myself. It’s like I'm sitting to the side of my body hoping no one notices that I’m playing hooky. I’m not being my Full Self, and, to some degree, it’s on purpose.
When you don’t feel you’re getting a straight answer from your brain, listen to your gut.
Guides: Authenticity From Your Community
As a last resort, ask around. Reach out to those people you care about, respect, and count on. This is not the last resort when it comes to big life decisions. Some people will always find it helpful to ask around for those. But authenticity is a moment-to-moment, decision-to-decision practice.
Not only is it unsustainable to constantly engage others over the minutiae of life, but you lose opportunities to strengthen your authenticity muscles. You don't always want to run to others to flex a muscle you should be flexing yourself. You also don't want to be the person who habitually runs to your guides because it's easier than facing your gods and your guts.
Lastly, part of engaging guides is taking ownership of whether or not those are the guides you should be asking. It's easy to trick yourself into getting opinions you already know will let you off the hook. Not every buddy is a guide. Choose your guides carefully and not every guide will be right for every challenge.
Conclusion: Authenticity and Improvement
At the PLAY Polarities, we recognized early the importance of focusing on authenticity because our business helps people and teams improve themselves. Improvement is like a hazy, wide-open landscape. How do you find your way across the uncharted territory of “better”? You start with a compass: a deepening understanding of your Full Self.
That requires humility. Telling ourselves we know what authenticity is can be a great way to avoid it. It's worth taking time to reflect on your authenticity. When does it show up? When does it slip out the back door without saying goodbye? How will you remind yourself to use your 3Gs to bring that authenticity back inside?
For more information on the PLAY Polarities and what it can do for you and/or your team or organization, please get in touch.